“Our Longing for Intimacy”
Review of Sexuality and Holy Longing, Lisa Graham McMinn,

Kara Martin

There is so much talk about sexuality in our society; and so much concern about the impact of a more open attitude to sex. Lisa Graham McMinn is a Christian sociologist who opens up the topic of sexuality for honest and frank examination. She starts by widening the definition of sexuality to include anything that impacts on us as women and men. Ultimately, she believes sexuality is a longing God has placed in us for intimacy, for belonging. A longing can only be fulfilled by union with God.

She then talks about the brokenness in our society: the increasing availability of porn, unwanted pregnancies, the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases, the attitudes to beauty that enslave women, the consumer attitudes toward desire that leads us to want instant gratification, and all the issues around infertility.

To illustrate her material, McMinn draws on anonymous responses from the students she has taught as a lecturer at Wheaton College and George Fox University in the United States. These sometimes painfully honest stories provide colour, and allow us to examine our own lives in their light.

Her main concern is the need for a healthy view of sexuality in our society; and this requires an understanding of ourselves as created by God, in God’s image. She points out that because of sin we will never have the “perfect” marriage; others will never meet totally our needs for intimacy; we may be prevented from feeling fulfilled sexually... Yet God can redeem the deeper needs for intimacy and belonging that lie underneath.

Part of this redemption involves taking our disappointments and frustrations to God. Another part is the actions of our faith communities in providing safe places to find healing and help. McMinn admits that it takes courage for churches to tackle issues of sexuality publicly; but that they are the best places for teaching about healthy relationships.

Her comments on celibacy are very helpful, focusing NOT on the negatives but on the positives. Celibacy helps us to focus on our calling, and enabling us to develop deep and meaningful relationships with both genders, and frees us to love widely and serve lavishly and focus on the needs of others, and frees us to use touch to nurture and affirm friends without compromising integrity.

She also warns churches to beware over-emphasising marriage, thereby marginalizing the increasing number of singles in our society and congregations. Churches may also focus too much on children, causing much hurt to those struggling with issues of infertility. What is needed is openness to all the ways we struggle with broken sexuality.

In her writing Lisa Graham McMinn is honest and forthright, yet sensitive and affirming. She combines the research of an academic with the insights of a theologian and the compassion of a mother. Her goal is to encourage us to be authentic and vulnerable in our search for intimacy, recognizing that ultimately our desire is to be one with God; but in the meantime we can still experience the limited abundance of what it means to be created women and men, and catch a glimpse of the fulfillment yet to come.

Open House book reviewer KARA MARTIN is a lecturer with Macquarie Christian Studies Institute (www.mcsi.edu.au), and an avid reader and book group attendee.