Tina’s facing a really difficult dilemma. As a child, Tina was a ward of the state - raised by foster parents. Sadly, while growing up, she was abused by friends of the family. While her foster mum did her best raising her, there were problems in their relationship too, and she failed to notice or protect young Tina from that abuse.

Now, as an adult, Tina can apply for compensation. A government program has been set up, as an alternative to the court system, to acknowledge and support people who were abused or neglected under state care.

Tina’s thought seriously about applying. Her abuse experiences led to a lot of troubles later in life… mental illness, self harm, and running on the wrong side of the tracks in just about every way you can imagine… The compensation would not only acknowledge her experiences, but would also help her financially – she’s a working single mum on a relatively low income.

Tina actually filled out the form, but then had doubts and tore it up…

• She worried that maybe she was applying out of greed, just for the money.
• She also worried that her foster mum would be hurt by being drawn into the process. Tina’s a Christian now and God has helped her to find healing in many areas including forgiveness for her foster mum’s weaknesses.

But now she’s left wondering if she should still apply.
• She feels it may bring some justice
• She also doesn’t want to regret missing the opportunity, as she has a limited window of time to apply.

What’s the right thing to do?

DISCUSSION POINTS

• Is it ok to apply for compensation even if you feel you’ve been able to forgive the wrong done to you?

• Is Tina being greedy to apply for financial compensation, perhaps just because the opportunity’s there? Especially when money really can’t repair the damage done by abuse anyway?

• Is it wrong to enter a process that digs up the past if it means dragging someone else through a painful journey of memories as well… it may mean her foster mum being confronted about things she now regrets…

• How might Tina raise this issue with her foster mother in a way that doesn’t cause hurt?

• If she does apply, will it help her to find some closure and a sense of redress?

• If she doesn’t apply, is there some other way that she can perhaps have this chapter of her life acknowledged / find some healing…

Expert Opinion: Clininical Psychologist, Sue Bartho.

Tina, you need to go for it! (the compensation that is).  It might be helpful in your mind to try and separate the emotional issues from the legal/justice ones in your story.
 
To my mind, having forgiven is an emotional release for you, that lets go of the desire to retaliate and seek revenge.  It allows you to move on with your life, and not be locked up in hatred and bitterness.
 
Forgiveness does not, however, negate or remove the issues of justice.  Terribly wrong things were done to you, and we have a system in our community to bypass the appropriate and traumatic legal process, to offer you some small compensation for this wrong.  This may be another important step in your healing journey to fully acknowledge the wrongness and destructiveness of the abuse, and that it is right and good for a perpetrator to be brought to justice, and for a victim to be cared for.  Nothing greedy about that.
 
Sexual abuse of a child (if it was that) undermines the very core sense of self as it is developing, and usually leaves totally confused messages for the child about love, identity, trust and sexuality.  The child is usually left with an emotional legacy of feeling deeply bad, ashamed, and responsible for the abuse.  This stuff tends to permeate someone's life and relationships in very destructive ways.  No amount of money can really compensate you for that.
 
Talk to your foster Mum about the decision, so that she understands your motives ( to do what is right and not to hurt her).  Maybe she will need some professional counselling if she has to go through a compensation process, but ultimately it may be very helpful for her to do that.