The problem we're tackling tonight comes from a young woman, Belinda. The situation she's facing is that she and her boyfriend aren't on the same footing when it comes to spiritual things. Belinda's a Christian, and when she first met and started dating her boyfriend, he wasn't a believer. For that reason, after a while she felt convicted that it wasn't right to continue the relationship, and called it off.
During their time apart, late last year, the guy actually became a Christian. He made what seemed to be a very solid and real decision to follow Jesus, and for some months was very passionate about changing his life, getting involved in church, and living God's way. Belinda says it was a real and genuine decision - not something he did just for her sake. Eventually they were an item again.
But now, the boyfriend seems to be losing interest in God. He doesn't want to pray with Belinda or share his faith, he thinks it doesn't matter if people believe in Christ or not. Rather than being encouraged by him, she feels like she has to prop him up in his faith... She doesn't know what to do about it.
Let's give Belinda some second opinions.
• Should she continue the relationship, to try and be an encouragement to the boyfriend in his newfound faith?
• It's not uncommon for a new believer to have some shaky moments as they begin their journey with God - maybe he just needs extra encouragement?
• Or maybe the guy made a token decision just to get Belinda back? She says it certainly didn't seem that way - but maybe his heart was influenced more by the promise of a girlfriend, than by God.
• If so, should Belinda break the relationship off before it goes any further?
• If Belinda does need to break up with him, what's the best way to go about it? And should it be temporary, or permanent?
EXPERT OPINION from Barry Chant, Minister of Wesley International Congregation, Sydney
Key points:
1) Your faith is not just an interest like music or sports - it touches every decision you make - so if you're married to someone you need to share a common faith so that all your decisions come from the same perspective.
2) Both of you will suffer if you don't have this common faith. Not just you, but your partner too. It's better to be single than "unequally yoked".
3) Your boyfriend needs time out to think about his faith. You need to make the break, have time apart, and work our your faith situations first and foremost. Only if you are on equal ground can the relationship truly move forward in a healthy way.
Comments (3)
Hi Belinda, I really feel for you as I was in a similar situation. I met a guy who claimed to be a christian and I was going strong and loved God. Because I was blinded by love I let my beliefs become lukewarm as I spent more time with him and realized he wasn't really saved. Unfortunatly, I learnt the hard way, that if you don't put God first in your life and do it his way, things don't work out like you would hope for. It's so important to be equally yolked. I am married now and my husband is a strong Christian,he lifts me up and encourages my faith and christian walk everyday...There is a twist to this...
It is the same guy. We ended up going back to church, we cut off all ties and concentrated on OUR OWN walk first, I prayed everyday learned to rely on God and trust Him. It's so important to do it Gods way, I've tried both and my way didn't work, but as soon as I put God first in my life and followed the bible, everything fell into place and was perfect. More importantly, you want to be sure you marry the guy God chooses, don't rush into it because God made marriage to last forever, so you want to make sure you're on the same page, else you'll be fighting a losing battle your whole life.
Posted by Anonymous | July 25, 2009 3:33 PM
Posted on July 25, 2009 15:33
A lady in Africa met Evangelist Reinhard Bonnke & she told him that her boyfriend hated Jesus. The morning after they met Reinhard Bonnke was eating his breakfast & someone knocked at his door & said "Bonnke the lady who you spoke to last night died in a Car Crash". Reinhard Bonke was upset & he asked God "Lord what more could I have done". God Replied "You have done all you could have done". So Belinda pray for your boyfriend & see if that bears fruit. *I'm lucky my girlfriend Melissa are on the same footing.
Posted by JASON ANDREW TOPPIN FROM BORONIA VICTORIA | July 19, 2009 2:46 PM
Posted on July 19, 2009 14:46
Belinda,
One thing I would like you to consider is how the boyfriends lack of faith or bubblegum faith is going to effect your faith and your decision for Jesus Christ. If the relationship develops will it support and build your own walk? Will you yourself be torn up? Will you yourself be divided one day?
I would like to say this....wait for your boyfriend's faith/ walk to develop...that's if it does.
Belinda you need to seek to be with a committed christian. Thats all. I myself have many regrets because I married someone who was extremely lukewarm. It didnt work...
Posted by sandra | July 18, 2009 12:49 AM
Posted on July 18, 2009 00:49