Lucinda faces a bit of a dilemma with her father-in-law's habit of dropping around to visit. Any time he comes by, even if it's just to pick something up or drop something off that he's borrowed, it's never a quick hello - it inevitably leads to a request for a cuppa; And with Lucinda's father in law, let's call him Bob, a request for a cuppa doesn't mean just a cuppa. What it really means is, let's all sit down and have an hour-long, heart-to-heart chat.

That would be fine if she knew it was coming up and could factor it into her plans - but sometimes it's on weeknights when Lucinda's in the middle of cooking dinner and getting things ready for the next day; Other times it's on the weekend when she's got her day already mapped out, trying to finish things around the house and do some homework before another busy week of work and part-time study. Once Lucinda tried to make it clear that she just didn't have time and felt that Bob was quite offended.

What can you do in this situation - is there a way to tell your parent-in-law that they can't stay, without offending them?

Let's give Lucinda some second opinions.

DISCUSSION POINTS

• Have you had these kind of experiences with your parents in law - what did you do?

• Is it ok to have boundaries, or is Lucinda maybe being too rigid about how she uses her time? Should she be making more time for unexpected visitors?

• Often this becomes an issue when a married couple are from very different families - one with parents who are very casual and relaxed about spending time together, the other whose parents make official plans for everything. If that's you, I'd like to hear your thoughts on what Lucinda can do.

• How can you be clear with your parents in law about your boundaries, while still keeping a good relationship?