Steve's brother, let's call him Adrian, has a new girlfriend...  The guy is head over heels, besotted. The problem is, no-one else in the family likes her. Steve, and his parents, think the girl is arrogant and ignorant. She comes from a family environment that raised her to have a great deal of self-confidence; as a result she comes across at times as quite self-centred.

One of Steve's main concerns is that after only two months of dating, the young couple is already talking about marriage and going into a marriage prep course. Nothing wrong with getting married, but Steve's afraid that Adrian is rushing in, blinded by infatuation, without really getting to know this girl properly.

He's also worried about how dramatically and suddenly Adrian has been changed by this relationship. Before meeting the girlfriend he was off the rails regarding his Christian faith. Since meeting her, he's suddenly become quite fanatical about God - Now at face value, that seems great. But Steve fears that the change isn't genuine and that he may just revert to his old ways once they enter married life.

Let's give Steve some second opinions.

DISCUSSION POINTS

• Can Steve do anything about it? Should he talk to his brother?

• Or is it not his place to confront his brother about this?

• How important, do you think, is the opinion of family members? On one hand they're not the ones who will have to live with this girl, surely Steve is able to judge whether they're compatible. But then again, maybe the family can see things that Adrian can't.
 
• Should Steve and the family just butt out and let Adrian work it out? Are they worrying too much? Should they trust more in the power of commitment to make it work?

• And what about the dramatic and sudden change in Adrian? Are Steve's concerns reasonable? That Adrian may be just changing for the girlfriend, but not experiencing a true spiritual change?

EXPERTS POINTERS from Judith Nichols.

* While families can see what you can't at times, this family should be more encouraging about Adrian's return to faith and not let their expectations of what that should look like, deflate his enthusiasm.

* It's good that he is going into marriage preparation - while it's early days, such a course will bring up the issues that he and his girlfriend need to start addressing.

* If Adrian and his girlfriend choose to marry, after that the Bible says that parents no longer have a say in their decisions. They should support him.